Duck Patrol

Couldn’t decided which of the two pieces sounded better…

Red Duck

Waiting in the car patiently…
Traffic at a standstill…
For duck crossing the road…

* * * * * *

Stuck on the road again…
Huge traffic jam…
Duck crossing the road…

About lumar1298

Love to read, write, and meditate. I Also have a creative side. I enjoy crafting and designing and when I want action, then I dance.
This entry was posted in Poems and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Duck Patrol

  1. haridasgowra says:

    nice………………….#wordpress!

    Like

  2. Y. Prior says:

    the option B sounds better to me…

    “Stuck on the road again…
    Huge traffic jam…
    Duck crossing the road…”

    because it is simple and by leaving out the word “patiently” – you let us all feel the reality of what it is like to be stuck… we all know and so this generic term lets us make the first line our own.
    then the same with the second line – life gets put on hold and we all know the huge traffic jam

    and then the last line zings you more….
    a duck? om my!!!

    so cute and so funny.

    I also like the first take on the duck crossing – but as noted – it seems to me more personal (with the word patiently) and then traffic at a standstill has a different, softer feel than “huge traffic jam….
    and even the word “for” softens it –
    so I like option B!

    ~y.

    Like

    • lumar1298 says:

      Thank you so much for the input… I’m not to familiar with this type of poetry despite liking it. Very helpful… I’ll keep it in mind future ones… Lor

      Like

      • Y. Prior says:

        Hi again – and well I am not that familiar either – but I was just comparing hjow I felt when I read both – and well I really liked how you put both out there – because it is so fun to play with words – and so even when you are an expert at all of this (photography too) it will still have different impacts on people – ya know.

        also, I thought this was extra cool too because we recently had to wait for some birds to cross while in Florida – they have wild peacocks crossing this one area – but sadly I did not get to see any show their feathers.

        Like

    • lumar1298 says:

      I love peacocks… Those picture come put amazing… But there’s always next year… I wanted to watch the sea turtles laying the eggs and I missed it by a few days too… Have a great day and thanks again… Lor

      Like

A penny for your thought...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s